Taming the Butterflies

With a tummy full of Belgium Waffles and her "protein" of choice, bacon, I sent her off to school with prayers and 8pm words of wisdom.  Today, my 8 year-old enters the world of state testing (aka SOLs).

Here is a snippet of our conversation the other night:

L: Mom, I don't feel good.

Me: What doesn't feel good?

L: I don't know.

Me: Your stomach?

L: It feels funny.

Me:  Sounds like you have butterflies about your SOL test.  Are you worried about it? 

L: Yes!  What if I get an F?  What if I don't get to go to 4th grade?  What if...what if...what if...

Me:  Sweetie, I HATE SOL tests.  In NO WAY do they determine how smart you are.  They are STUPID, but they have to be taken.  Sometimes we have to do things we just don't like or want to do.  Daddy and I expect you to do your best.  That is all.  You will go on to 4th grade.  You will not get an F.  Just work hard and do your best.  Daddy and I will be proud of you no matter what.

I HATE that my 8 year-old is stressed about a stupid test.  I HATE that she is anxious about the possibility of FAILURE.  I HATE that she is can't just go to school and love every stinkin' minute of her day.  I HATE that school has become this LONG YARD STICK of achievement.

In 4th grade, 100 years ago before state tests, my teacher (Mrs. Black) taught us to sew and make iron-on transfers from coloring pages.  As a CLASS we worked together to build and decorate a doll house for her granddaughter.  I know we learned the "3 Rs", but we learned much more.  We learned how to use our imaginations.  We learned how to create.  We learned how to work together.  Elementary School was FUN.  I couldn't wait to go each day.  I CRIED when the school year was over.   

It saddens me that for many kids, this is not the case.  Our teachers are doing an AMAZING job to do what is expected of them.  Most are going above and beyond to prepare our darlings for testing.  They spend long hours away from their homes and families, planning and preparing incredible lessons to ensure the success of our children, yet our children are still stressed and anxious. 

Today and for the next few weeks, I am in prayer for our teachers and our children.  Teachers, you are ROCK STARS.  Kids, you are ROCK STARS.  Teachers, no matter the scores of your class, your selfless attention to our children ALL YEAR LONG has made an impact that no state test can measure.  Kids, you have endured hours of instruction preparing you for this moment.  You have soaked in all you can soak in.  This, in and of itself, is a beautiful thing.  You have absorbed more information than most of your parents could hope to remember (or ever learn in the first place).

This is yet another teachable moment for our babies.  In life, there are things we have to do, that we just don't like or want to do.  We just have to hold our heads up and do our best.  Your mommies, daddies, grandmas and grandpas are there with you, in spirit, giving you a hug and a pat on the back, urging you on when you just can't take any more.  God, is with you, pushing you forward to the end, cheering you on to the finish line.

So, for the next few weeks, students and teachers, just keep going and do the best you can.  We love you, we value you, we treasure you.  Maybe, one day, our government will value the whole child and the whole teacher, not just what can be regurgitated on a test.


Love,

Leah

PS After writing the "Threadbare and Worn" post the other day, regarding Philippians 4:13, I heard a great thing for your children to use when they are feeling discouraged.  Ten words and ten fingers...one word for each finger:

I - CAN - DO - ALL - THINGS - THROUGH - CHRIST - WHO - STRENGTHENS - ME

Kiddos, do your ten fingers and ROCK OUT THAT TEST!

 

 

 

Need a GREAT book to encourage your kiddos about testing?

 

Hooray for Diffendoofer Day! by Dr Seuss - You will enjoy reading it as much as your child!

Threadbare & Worn

It was quite sad, really.  It was sheet washing day.  In other words, I couldn't remember the last time I washed our sheets, so it was time.  When pulling the sheets off our bed,  I was surprised to see how threadbare they were.  I knew they were getting thin.  We had these sheets for several years, and hadn't invested in a new set, due to other more immediate expenses.  After seeing the status of these sheets, I knew they would not last another washing without completely falling apart. 

We needed to spend a little more of our budget on some sheets that will last a little longer.  I quickly informed my husband, that a part of my day would be spent looking for better quality sheets and that we could not wait any longer. 

Not to worry, new sheets were purchased.  All is right with the world.

The more I thought about the status of our threadbare sheets, I thought about how reflective this was of my life.  I am feeling a little threadbare at the moment.  Nothing serious is going on.  I am not going through anything I would define as a tragedy or dire circumstances.

My weary, threadbare status comes from everyday life.  Juggling all of the balls that seem to be flying through the air at the speed of light, at the end of the day, I barely have anything left.  My children and husband still need more of me, yet there is nothing left to give. 

This is just a season, I know.  I have heard it many times.  Enjoy it.  Time goes by so fast.  The kids don't stay little for long.  Cherish every moment. 

I try, I really do.  I try to cherish my almost 2 year-old as she has learned to climb our very tall dining room chairs onto our very tall table.  I strive to enjoy my 4 year-old son as he has used his 50th "potty" word and it is not even lunchtime yet.  I struggle to treasure my 8 year-old as she is in tears over being called a potty word by her little brother, again.  My ten year-old, I try to cherish her too, as she throws a tantrum over her siblings disturbing her peace.

I am threadbare, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

Let me switch the order around: SPIRITUALLY, emotionally, and physically.

Because I am threadbare SPIRITUALLY, it affects me emotionally and physically.

I know this is true.  When my walk with God is SOLID and I am reading His Word daily, praying continuously, and meditating his truths, I am much stronger.  I am much more able to withstand the struggles of each day.

Paul knows a little about strength.  In his letter to the Philippians, we read one of the most misused verses in the Bible:

 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13 (NKJV)

I am completely at fault for misusing this verse.  I tend to call on God's strength like I call on ibuprofen for a headache.  "Lord, give me strength!"

But I don't think Paul meant it this way.  Earlier in the chapter, he writes to the church of Philippi:
rejoice in the Lord; be gentle to others; don't worry, pray; dwell on things that are noble, pure, just, and lovely.  Paul goes on to say that he doesn't have much, but has learned to be content, regardless of his circumstances, because of this he has God's strength to do all things. 

He already HAS God's strength.  Through cultivating his relationship with the Lord, he is STRONG in the Lord.  Paul rejoices and prays, he is gentle and kind, he dwells on good things, and he is content.  He continuously grew in his relationship with God, which in turn gave him the strength he needed to endure his circumstances. 

I am going to remain weary and threadbare if I don't continue growing in my relationship with God.  If I am to do ALL things that I am called to do as a wife and mother, I must already have God's strength in me to begin with.  Although I do believe God will give us strength when we call on Him, how much MORE STRENGTH could I have if my life was centered on God, as Paul's was?

So, here is the Leah version of Philippians 4:13 - "If I remain strong in the Lord, I can do all things."


Now to go rescue my toddler from the top of the dining room table...

Leah






           

Cesarean Awareness Month

Apparently, its Cesarean Awareness Month.  Controversial topic for some, but I am not writing in order to spark a debate, but share simply to share my story. 

I agree, some C-sections are unnecessary.  I agree, some doctors schedule them needlessly.  I, however, have had 4 C-sections.  This was the only way by which I could safely hold my babies.

With my first pregnancy, the plan was to have all things happen the way God intended.  I was scared out of my mind, but knew I could do this, as many women had done before me.  Then there was the 39 week sonogram revealing an (estimated) 11 pound baby, whose head was SMALLER than her belly.  My well-seasoned and highly respected doctor, admitted that she did not feel comfortable safely delivering such a large baby.  She also said, "Once we get the head out, I am concerned about getting the rest of her out."  I whole-heartedly agreed.  We scheduled the C-section for the following morning because the next available date was the following week, putting me closer to going into labor.

Being "scared out of my mind" escalated with the thought of surgery.  The only other surgery I had was getting my wisdom teeth removed.  Now I was to be completely numb from the chest down, while my 11 pound baby was to be taken out of my belly.  That night, while packing and trying not to panic, a dear friend called, who had a little experience in the area.  She had several C-sections due to complicated deliveries.  She completely put my mind at ease, reassuring me that there was nothing to be concerned about, and everything will happen very quickly.

And she was exactly right.  While this was far from my "Birth Plan", my 10lb 7oz baby girl was delivered safely.  As a result, her shoulder was lodged in my pelvis, which would have made a regular delivery very dangerous for both of us. 

I have since had three more C-section deliveries.  I wouldn't have chosen to deliver any of my babies this way, however large infants and scar tissue are a serious combination.  Too much pushing on scar tissue can cause many more problems, which I did not want to experience.

I have 4 beautiful children and a nice horizontal scar as a result.  In a way, I feel sad that I was never able to experience real labor or contractions.  I was not allowed to cuddle my babies immediately after birth (our hospital was not large enough to accommodate this).  Yes, I missed out on these birth experiences, but I have four healthy babies.  I nursed and cared for my babies while recovering from major surgery.  They made me a stronger and braver mother than I could have ever thought I could be. 

Leah

For more info on C-section Awareness, visit  http://www.ican-online.org/

 

"The International Cesarean Awareness Network, Inc. (ICAN) is a nonprofit
organization whose mission is to improve maternal-child health by preventing
unnecessary cesareans through education, providing support for cesarean
recovery, and promoting Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC)."

 

Update on Crazy

You may be wondering: Has the house sold yet?  Is it on the market yet?  Is it close to being on the market yet?  In a quick answer, NO.  Have we become a little crazy as a result? ABSOLUTELY.

Hubby did a fantastic job getting the ball rolling.  His main task was to get his garage man cave cleaned out.  College textbooks, anyone?  This included the attic.  Years of stuff, yard sale rejects, high school yearbooks, childhood mementos, and LOTS of car parts, just about wore him out.  On top of that, he discovered that he had to rebuild our deck steps, and do some serious yard work using a lawnmower that we have been doctoring for as long as we have owned it. 

There was a slight interruption to our week.  My father-in-law decided to give us all a scare and break his hip and elbow.  But being the Rockstar that he is, he was in and out of the hospital AND rehab in 6 days.  Since hubby already had the week off, he was able to go spend some time with his dad as well as torment his mom and sister.  No visit with the family is complete without a little torture from the eldest.  All in good fun.  Apparently it tends to lighten the mood.  Especially when it involves your sister's latest love interest. 

My dad swooped in on Wednesday and tried to remember what it was like being 38 again.  They worked non-stop from about 9am to 7pm for several days, then their mental and physical stamina could not handle anymore.  We are so thankful for all of the help we could get!  Dad may return in a few days, but he may not, once he remembers the physical exhaustion of it all. 

And so, Leah, what did YOU do to contribute to the house finishing process?  Well, I used up my gas, going back and forth from the new house to the old house, delivering forgotten items, discovering my extensive power tool knowledge when my husband called and ask for his "circular saw with the diamond blades", running errands to Lowes, and most importantly, delivering sustenance to my men.  All of this was before baby girl's naptime, then continued after the big girls got off of the school bus.  I was able to help with a bit of yard work.  Thankfully, the playset is still in the back yard to occupy the little ones.

There is a little bit left to do.  Praying we get it all finished before we miss the spring real estate window.  No pressure, but my nerves are just about shot.  Trying to remember God's blessings and promises.  He brought us this far, he isn't going to leave us now.  We will get through this, despite a lack of any remaining sanity.     

Helpless, not Hopeless

The struggles of life can get pretty overwhelming at times. 

Friends battling illnesses and cancer

Loved ones who are out of town dealing with a hospitalized parent

An exhausted new mom, with no spouse (and a baby herself), trying to care for her little one

A dear friend struggling to stay afloat in her marriage, in her finances, in her life

In my heart, I want to run to them.  I want to get on a plane and fly to where they are.  Use any time I have to help care for that newborn.  Give my money and resources to make a grim situation a little brighter.

 

But I can't.

 

I don't have the resources.  I don't have a surplus of  time.  I don't have room in my budget.

 

I have overwhelming matters pressing in on me too. 

 

It all just leaves me feeling HELPLESS.  If I can't physically do SOMETHING, then what kind of friend am I?  If I can't don a sparkly pink "Super Friend" cape and run to the rescue those who are hurting, I am not being a good friend.  HELPLESS.

 

Mary watched her Son get beaten, mocked, and pierced.  She felt his suffering, pain, and anguish.  I bet she wanted to put on her cape and rescue her Son from this grim situation.  She couldn't make it better.  She couldn't change the circumstances. She couldn't protect her own Son. What kind of mother was she?

 

I bet Mary felt HELPLESS, but she wasn't HOPELESS.

 

We have a tendency to put all of our hope in doctors being able to heal, spouses making it right, and finances straightening themselves out.  We can't do that.  We can't put our hope in places that are constantly shifting and changing.  We have to put our hope in the ONE THING that DOES NOT CHANGE. 

 

God.

 

God is still in control, no matter how circumstances turn out.

God is still in control, even when friends are not healed and marriages are broken.

God is still in control, when money is barely there and the food pantry is the only sustenance.   



 

Mary KNEW her Son would endure this pain.  She KNEW he would die a horrific death.

She KNEW he would rise again.

 

Her hope was in God who said he would never leave us or forget us.

 

When I am feeling HELPLESS, I pray.

 

I pray for HOPE.

 

I pray that my sick friend has HOPE in God, that He is with her during in her chemo treatments.

I pray that my friends have HOPE that God will sustain their strength for care for their ailing father.

I pray for that exhausted new mom to have HOPE for God to supply her every need.

I pray for my friend to place her hope in God who will not forget her in her struggles.

 Then Moses summoned Joshua. He said to him with all Israel watching, “Be strong. Take courage. You will enter the land with this people, this land that God promised their ancestors that he’d give them. You will make them the proud possessors of it. God is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.”
  Deuteronomy 31:7-8 The Message